Tuesday, July 29, 2008

44 some odd thangs.

Courtesy of Margaret! It's like one of those awesome middle school passalong surveys. Yay.

44 "Odd" Things About Me:

1. Do you like blue cheese? As a variety yes, as a condition, no.
2. Have you ever smoked? Yes, I find it occasionally pleasant to inhale a campfire for one or two puffs. Ironically, I took my first hit of pot at choir camp.
3. Do you own a gun? I own the entire Gun Show.
4. What flavor Kool-Aid was your favorite? I was not allowed to drink any aids of any kind.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Ridiculously so.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? They are aptly named. They are both hot AND contain dog.
7. Favorite Christmas movie? Elmo Saves Christmas, when watched with Eli. Elmo learns that if every day were Christmas, Christmas would suck a lot more than he had originally surmised.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Complimentary non-fat lattes. Is what I prefer. What I usually drink is black Maxwell House. And occasionally Earl Grey.
9. Can you do push ups? I am not sure I agree with Margaret's assertion that "anyone" can do push-ups. I, in my weakling days, could only do about ten "knee" push-ups, the fake way. I can now do regular push-ups, but not like Margaret's brother and his friend can do 'em.
10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? I like my polka-dotted earrings that I got at Shooz in Lenox, but the blue earrings I bought with Dena at Claire's are gaining on 'em
11. Favorite hobby? Singing. singing singing singing la la la esp. when I get paid to do it, which is like getting paid to read (which is babysitting).
12. Do you have A.D.D.? Well, sort of. I have the ability to focus intensely for long amounts of time when necessary. I often deem it necessary. However, I have noticed that my job at Symphony Charge has made me very used to a new task or activity habitually arising every 10 minutes.
13. What's one trait you hate about yourself? Jealousy, since I myself am so awesome. Also, hubris.
14. Middle name? Drew, after Daniel Drew, the pirate, who Sean-Michael tells me failed in the pirate business because he did not have a good name.
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.
1. I think I have eaten too much fiber today. Uugggg.
2. I don't want to be at work right now. I wish everyone weren't so loud and off the wall. I'd rather be on the wall. Sleeping
3. I am really hot in this pantsuit, both literally and figuratively.
16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Coffee, water, rum.
17. Current worry? That I worry too much.
18. Current hate right now? Money. Money money money and money and its general existence. Also the fact that we don't put the following on our message so that 96% of people could hang up before speaking with a human: "Thank you for calling symphony charge. Lawn tickets to classical concerts do not sell out. Please purchase them at the concert venue and save the $5.50 handling fee."
19. Favorite place to be? Anywhere with friends. It's tawdry, but I'd rather be with friends in the Comm Ave. Shaws than in Tahiti alone. Most of the time. Sometimes I just want to be with a little friend called television ....
20. How did you bring in the New Year? This is a good one-- running around Boston's Waterfront very drunk and barefoot. I'll just leave Margaret's answer for that. Then I talked to David on the phone while waiting for the 66 to start moving, while Steve Buck and Mike Budwey (apparently) waved at me like maniacs and Margaret thought they were craaaaaaazy.
21. Where would you like to go? To my new apartment .... with everything moved into it already ... by magical elves that don't cost $300, beer, or my eternal love.
22. Name three people who will complete this. Goddamnit Margaret, you know how much I like talking about myself! Perhaps Anthony, Ryan or Erin will give this a go ....
23. Do you own slippers? Naw.
24. What color shirt are you wearing right now? Black and awesome pantsuit with charming chartreuse paisley lining.
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? if I am getting paid to do so?
26. Can you whistle? Anyone can whistle, or so Stephen Sondheim says, and I believe everything he says.
27. Favorite color? Jewel tones and chrome.
28. Would you be a pirate? I would rather *do* a pirate.
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? I sing that Vivaldi piece from Shine when he jumps on the trampoline that has a difficult-to-find piano reduction. :: snort ::
30. Favorite Girl's Name? Poe
31. Favorite boy's Name? Jeremy, Jordan, Eli
32. What's in your pocket right now? My Chahlie cahd's wikkid in my pawket.
33. Last thing that made you laugh? "Is yaw pawcketbook made outta gold?!" - coworker Joe, on other coworker Leah's ability to buy a plane ticket to belarus.
34. Best bed sheets as a child? Clean ones?
35. Worst injury you've ever had? The brain injury which caused me to apply and audition for three voice masters programs.
36. Do you love where you live? Allston/Brighton has its charms for sure. I think I will like being on a side street better than being in the middle of a strip-mall, so it should be sweet.
37. How many TVs do you have in your house? Solamente uno.
38. Who is your loudest friend? I am my loudest friend.
39. How many dogs do you have? No dogs, but several dawgs.
40. Does someone have a crush on you? Why, are you applying for the position?
41. What is your favorite book? Fiction: White Teeth (Zadie Smith) Poetry: One Stick Song (Sherman Alexie) Non-Fiction: Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim (David Sedaris) Play: Angels in America, as published in one volume (Tony Kushner) aaaaaaaand 1st Runner-Ups: Fiction: A Specimen Days (Michael Cunningham) Poetry: The Penguin Book of the Sonnet Non-Fiction: Under the Banner of Heaven (John Krakauer) Play: Amadeus (Peter Schaffer)
42. What is your favorite candy? Pear jelly belly beans.
43. Favorite Sports Team? The Lasell College "Lasers", because of their hilarious name.
44. What song do you want played at your funeral? I would like you all to listen to Shoop, as performed by Ellen Degeneres, including the part where she says, "And that's all I know". You should then remark that I knew the whole song.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

The lawn does not sell out, how can I help you? The lawn does not sell out. Yes. Thank you.

Symphony Charge Pie

-- 1 pie crust, leftover from HS friends brunch
5 beaten eggs, 2 of which you had forgotten were in the fridge because they were stuck in the back of the fridge but expire August 3rd so they're still good 2 go.
-- 1/2 cup skim milk from whole foods, which when added to eggs tastes 45% less like water
-- 2 Morningstar farms black bean and corn veggie burger patties, crumbled. Said patties must have traveled: 1) From Shaws on Comm Ave. to Allston apartment freezer 2) From apartment freezer to Great Barrington condo fridge. 3) From GB condo fridge to living room of first house in Madison, NJ for 12 hours unfrozen 4) To and from each freezer in three seperate Madison, NJ abodes 5) From last Madison, NJ abode to back of Dad's car for 12 hours unfrozen and 6) Back to Allston apt. freezer.
-- 2 tablespoons cilantro pesto, purchased in err at Whole Foods, because you mistook it for its nuttier and more flavorful older half-brother Basil Pesto. I hoped, not in vain, that this pie would answer the overarching question, "What the hell does one do with cilantro pesto, exactly?" I'm pretty sure that cilantro pesto as an entity has never done anything much better in its life.
-- 2 tablespoons Paul Newman mango salsa. There's no story to that one. It's just good, and I always have it on hand. I have been known to put it on everything, ranging from Soyful Heart wraps to ... Mushkillah
-- 1 teaspoon of the noblest of Mexican spices, cumin(face)

Pre-bake pie crust at an unkown setting, along with random chunk of cheese dangling from oven grate that looks eerily like a schlong and will eventually catch fire. When crust is warmed, dump ingredients in and swirl around in a delicious vortex of rawness. Bake until kind of firm but not quite ... the texture of a nice bum.

Consume for four days instead of buying more Lean Cuisines.


I'll tell ya, this pie did not taste like the Clusterfuck that it was. It was ridiculously flavorful, as well as a full vegetable-based protein. Rather than being a true quiche, the whole just just kind of melded into well-textured melange of deliciousness. Many people think I am a very good cook, and I agree that it is true, but not at all in an Elegant way. I don't really use measurements. I am basically good at strong-arming food into being delicious. Still, I am very grateful for my practical cooking skills, and for the fact that I am moving 100 yards away from a Whole Foods (Whole Paycheck). I am going to learn how to tastily cook all those whole grains that come in their dispensers for cheap.

In other "news" ... my computer, despite the very best efforts of Carlos, has bit the dust. My phone exhibited similar Beth March-like death gasps the other night when I somehow allowed it to become entagled with the soaking wet umbrella in my bag for 45 minutes. So that was kind of ... my fault, but still. It's old and texting has been difficult for a while. Eventually it will need to join my other phone, which fell in Rachael Baumann's toilet, in the Verizon graveyard.

I have two book ideas floating around in my head, one about sex/virginity in our society, and one about meatless non-tofu cooking ... too bad my computer's broken, or I'd be forced to start one of them.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

How to Defecate on an Art Project and on My Life

So, this month at the Arsenal Center for the Arts, the focus of the student-created art in the lobbies is "community". This theme manifests itself in a community knitting project, a how-to DVD on paper cranes, and an "I AM" bulletin board just outside the entrance to the theatre under which there is a basket of paper scraps, pencils and thumb-tacks. One is, apparently, supposed to take a self-affirming moment to write what one is. I don't know. It's tacky, but like those diaries they sell in Barnes & Noble called "All About Me", I kind of have a soft spot for those sorts of things. So, while I waited after the five-minute warning to open the doors after Act I, I read a few. They were mostly from kids, but a few adults had contributed as well:

"I am an artist and I love classic rock"
"I am five and I am smart. I am going to be a doctor."
"I am someone who loves."
"I am someone who lives with the best dog in the world."

So this was charming. And it made me smile a little bit while I was waiting to open the doors.

And then I saw it.

I've been thinking lately how I may need to get out of patron services, a sort of soul-sucking profession into which I got entirely by accident. I will just go ahead and say that what I saw at that moment may have just been an engraved invitation to do just that.

Some crusty, dried up, old bitch had written, "I came 1,000 miles to see 'According to Tip' and there are no fresh cookies?? You lost my vote!!"

We serve Mrs. Fields cookies. They're fine. They just come in fucking wrappers because we spend most of our time thinking about how to produce good theatre. I am sorry if I fail to see the humor in his/her little "joke". It kind of makes me want to vomit blood that this person would actually take up space on a community art project, decorated mostly with sweet little statements by children or adults who trying to be positive and creative, to BITCH ABOUT THE REFRESHEMNTS NEW REP SELLS. How fucking sad is that?! How fucking selfish?!

I know you might think ... "It's just a lame art project in Watertown. It's not like she's writing her grocery list all over the Mona Lisa". And I know that. But what happened to "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"? Why do people who want to look at a community art project have to listen to some crusty old bitch whining about a pre-packaged cookie? And why the fuck is that cookie so important?! What about the fucking theatre that she apparently came 1,000 miles to see??

Worst of all, there's a Panera RIGHT NEXT DOOR. They have an assortment of fresh cookies because they are purveyors of baked goods. Fuck.

So I wrote, "I am someone who tries to be here now", took a deep breath, thought about making it through July, and opened the doors at the blackout so they could all come pouring out.


Thursday, July 3, 2008

"Zees apartment better have many mirrors in wheech I may regard my fabulous self." - Mushkillah

After 12 days that may or may not have felt like my entire life, Dena, Simon, Mushkillah and I have finally found an apartment! It's a basement unit on Summit Ave. in Brighton in between the B and C lines, and has SO MUCH to make up for being in a basement: FREE LAUNDRY (right in the basement no less!), exposed brick, tons of storage, a private entrance, Whole Foods 100 yards away, and, my personal favorite, a breakfast bar!! Observe!!:

Isn't it cute?!

Tell me it's not cute and I'll punch ya in the babymaker.

I feel extra positively rosy about the whole thing, because I am also proud of the initiative Dena and I took in finding the place, evaluating it, comparing it with others, negotiating for a sane rent, and ultimately paying the first, last and security deposit all by ourselves.

Plus the chairs from my living room are going to look really cute in the living room .... and we're going to put decals in the muddroom ....


Fiscal responsibility rox, kids!!

Even though it's still the summer, I'm raring for this (academic) year to commence. I'm finally going to get a voice teacher and maybe even another job, and finally act like I know the lay of the land.

Which I do.

Heh heh.

I said lay.

Mmmmmm Lays.