The lawn does not sell out, how can I help you? The lawn does not sell out. Yes. Thank you.

Symphony Charge Pie

-- 1 pie crust, leftover from HS friends brunch
5 beaten eggs, 2 of which you had forgotten were in the fridge because they were stuck in the back of the fridge but expire August 3rd so they're still good 2 go.
-- 1/2 cup skim milk from whole foods, which when added to eggs tastes 45% less like water
-- 2 Morningstar farms black bean and corn veggie burger patties, crumbled. Said patties must have traveled: 1) From Shaws on Comm Ave. to Allston apartment freezer 2) From apartment freezer to Great Barrington condo fridge. 3) From GB condo fridge to living room of first house in Madison, NJ for 12 hours unfrozen 4) To and from each freezer in three seperate Madison, NJ abodes 5) From last Madison, NJ abode to back of Dad's car for 12 hours unfrozen and 6) Back to Allston apt. freezer.
-- 2 tablespoons cilantro pesto, purchased in err at Whole Foods, because you mistook it for its nuttier and more flavorful older half-brother Basil Pesto. I hoped, not in vain, that this pie would answer the overarching question, "What the hell does one do with cilantro pesto, exactly?" I'm pretty sure that cilantro pesto as an entity has never done anything much better in its life.
-- 2 tablespoons Paul Newman mango salsa. There's no story to that one. It's just good, and I always have it on hand. I have been known to put it on everything, ranging from Soyful Heart wraps to ... Mushkillah
-- 1 teaspoon of the noblest of Mexican spices, cumin(face)

Pre-bake pie crust at an unkown setting, along with random chunk of cheese dangling from oven grate that looks eerily like a schlong and will eventually catch fire. When crust is warmed, dump ingredients in and swirl around in a delicious vortex of rawness. Bake until kind of firm but not quite ... the texture of a nice bum.

Consume for four days instead of buying more Lean Cuisines.

....

I'll tell ya, this pie did not taste like the Clusterfuck that it was. It was ridiculously flavorful, as well as a full vegetable-based protein. Rather than being a true quiche, the whole just just kind of melded into well-textured melange of deliciousness. Many people think I am a very good cook, and I agree that it is true, but not at all in an Elegant way. I don't really use measurements. I am basically good at strong-arming food into being delicious. Still, I am very grateful for my practical cooking skills, and for the fact that I am moving 100 yards away from a Whole Foods (Whole Paycheck). I am going to learn how to tastily cook all those whole grains that come in their dispensers for cheap.

In other "news" ... my computer, despite the very best efforts of Carlos, has bit the dust. My phone exhibited similar Beth March-like death gasps the other night when I somehow allowed it to become entagled with the soaking wet umbrella in my bag for 45 minutes. So that was kind of ... my fault, but still. It's old and texting has been difficult for a while. Eventually it will need to join my other phone, which fell in Rachael Baumann's toilet, in the Verizon graveyard.

I have two book ideas floating around in my head, one about sex/virginity in our society, and one about meatless non-tofu cooking ... too bad my computer's broken, or I'd be forced to start one of them.